I’ve been going crazy for the past 2 days just eating Korean popsicles. Now I’m freezing cold but I still want more T_T

I feel very sad and depressed and utterly bitter.

Thank god that I love Dolls just for the Dolls because one of the biggest Doll online communities just really sucks. Its a damn online community and when you can feel being ignored and “see” the cliques on a VIRTUAL ONLINE community, then somethings wrong.

I’ve met a hand full of doll collectors that are awesome but seriously… people online act all arrogant and like they’re the shit (when they would NEVER do so in person) or they’re on the other side of the pole and they are just really awesome and helpful. I’ve seen no middle grounds. BUT I am glad though that my doll friends are so awesome though. I’m very grateful for them. I’ve never met such awesome fantastic people in my life and I’m glad that I can talk dolls (and other stuff) with them!

Anywhoo… I’ve finally named Yuki. Her name is Mikan even though her favorite color is purple.

I am getting married on the 28th of March at 2pm. It’s nothing fancy and James and I will be legally attached for life on that day.

I feel very anxious. I don’t know what to do.

So my throat is hurting really badly and I can hardly swallow. But the worst part is… I think I’m getting allergies and my throat and ears are SO DAMN ITCHY!!!!

I think I’ve come down with something. My right tonsil or gland or something is swollen and hurts. I also keep fevering and having to take fever reducers for the past 2 days and I’m like passing out for naps every couple of hours.

My birthday is coming up. The only people who celebrate it is James’ family. *sigh*. I feel like crying when I think about it. I don’t expect gifts but when I see other people celebrate their birthday with their mom and dad I feel a bit bitter. Stupid Christmas and Birthdays always remind me that I’m unwanted and unloved by my messed up parents.

James’ parents send me a card and gift every year though. I think they feel bad.

On that note… I think we are going to finally get rid of James’ junk Taurus and sell it to a Junk Car place.

I haven’t been getting good sleep recently and its really messing with my time schedule.

I’m naturally a VERY light sleeper and every sound wakes me up. Recently James has been making a lot of noise too and its driving me really crazy.

I feel crappy and am starting to feel depressed again too.

The powerball lottery is at $139 Million dollars. The winner would take home $67.6 million dollars if they chose the lump sum option. After taxes the winner would have a minimum of $33 million dollars.

If I won… OMG… If I won… The ONE thing on my mind is a house. I don’t care for a huge elaborate house. I don’t care if its cozy and small. But the ONE thing it needs to have is… SUPER protection against bug entry.

I need triple reinforced exterior walls. The basement will need like super sealed 6+inch THICK walls with perfectly sealed windows. I do not want ANY bug to be able to crawl into my house. NO bugs NO mice NO rodents and insects.

If a stinkbug were to get past the first wall I want the second and third walls to stop it. OMG that’s all I want. No bugs to be able to come into my house. I understand that an occasional spider, fly, or even ladybug might make an appearance but damn it all mighty no more stinkbugs!!!